Conversations I Wish I Could Have Part 1

Sometimes somebody will say something to me and my immediate instinct is to respond with something snarky or uncouth.

This is one of those times.


This is a conversation I wish I could have on facebook.

Person from Past: I went horseback riding in the Estonian countryside today. What did you do today?
What I'd Like to Say: I defriended you, that's what.

But I didn't do that. Maybe I should have. I have "known" this person for about 25 years, although only peripherally for the past 15. It doesn't help her cause that she stopped talking to me because she was afraid I was going to rape her while we walked home from school. Middle school. Because all I could think about in middle school was forcing myself onto a marginally pretty girl I'd known since kindergarten who was also dating a 6'3" 13-year-old.

If I had a time machine, before going back in time to slap the first McDonald's burger out of my hand, I'd go back to middle school to tell that girl not to flatter herself.

Middle school was really, really bad. I liked high school because I fell into a crowd of kindred spirits, but middle school was the worst.