The Unlikely Rise of Pope Michael of Wichita

This week, Pope Bush...er...Pope Benedict reversed the excommunications of a quartet of douchey bishops (Live from Shea Stadium...it's The Douchey Bishops!!), which led me on an intellectual fact-finding mission.

I went from The Douchey Bishops to Marcel Lefebvre (the Chuck Berry of douchey bishops) to the Society of St. Pius X (a distant cousin of Malcolm) to sedevacantism (Traditionalist Catholics with a capital "T" who think the papacy has been vacant since 1958) to conclavism (dudes who give their allegiance to different Popes) to...are you sitting down?...

POPE MICHAEL OF KANSAS!

also known as David Bawden...plain, old David Bawden

One day Davey Bawden was sitting on his chaise lounge watching episodes of Medium when he thought "You know what really grinds my gears? The Pope! We need a new one! PRONTO!"

Bawden got on the horn and called his nearest and dearest to his crib for an anti-papal conclave, among them the two elusive cardinals that Bawden refers to as "Cardinal Mom" and "Cardinal Dad".

After minutes and minutes of discussion, a waft of white smoke danced from the chimney of Bawden's house and a new Pope was elected! The bells in the Cathedral of Saint Microwave were tolled for those in all of Christendom (or Wichita) to hear and recognize the birth of a new era!


The era of Pope Michael!
He and his dozens of his supporters rejoice!
(The above story of the origin of Pope Michael is a dramatization)


Only in Kansas, right?


If you want to know more about this incredible story (or this foolish man) you should go to his ridiculous website. If he's an anti-pope, he's also very clearly an anti-website-designer and an anti-writer.



Thank you Internet. Thank you.

Durian Fruit: The Stinky Killer

If it stinks like onions and sweaty socks, has the consistancy of custard and its skin is made up of spikes that have no trouble drawing blood, don't you think we should take the hint from whatever force is spinning this great big world that we should leave the durian fruit alone?

Noms Noms Noms

The implication of the Best Animated Film award is that animated films are not as important, or relevant, as live-action films, that somehow it doesn't take as much effort to create an animated feature as it does to create a live-action feature. What this category screams out to movie watchers is that a film that is drawn does not deserve to be in consideration with a movie that is more conventionally filmed.


I think most of the time the Oscar voters are correct, but Wall-E is the best and, more importantly, the most risky film of the last year so shouldn't it be treated that way? In order for the award to remain valid and relevant, doesn't it have to be treated that way?

Wall-E is more widely and unswervingly praised than any of the five current nominees.

But it's animated, so tough luck. They have their own category.




But what about The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the leader in nominations. How much did David Fincher rely on some kind of artificial imaging to create his film? If it was not for animation, would Benjamin Button ever grace the silver screen? Probably not.

And what of Titanic?

How much did that rely on animation?

So...what is good for the goose is not what is good for the gander?


Most rational people will say "it's just an award, Jim."

Yes, you're right. Never more so than now.

The Evolution Will Not Be Televised

There's a vocal segment of the population that is trying to make people feel foolish or guilty for celebrating the Inauguration of President-Elect Barack Obama. They want to remind us that Mr. Obama is just one man and, in more extreme cases, that he is not God.

I, for one, am so glad to have so many people to remind me who is and isn't God. Thank you.

All sarcasm aside, I can't quite figure out why this segment of the population is trying to quash this broad-sweeping feeling of joy that gas swept the nation. Is it just sour grapes? Do they think they're carrying Diogenes' Lantern, spewing profound, but latent, truths while sauntering around drunk on their own self-righteousness?

Or are they just Grinches that don't like seeing others make merry because a bad period has come to an end and a better one has sprung anew?


I like to think it's a mixture of all three.


I've restrained myself from asking it thus far, but who do these people think they are to tell people when they can be joyous and what they can be joyous for?

Mr. Obama is offering himself to all of us as an accountable leader with integrity. Remember the last time PotUS had both integrity and accountability? Not since I've been alive, I can't.

Do you remember the last time we had a leader who is as capable and pragmatic as he is intelligent? Maybe Mr. Clinton, but otherwise I can't.

Do you remember the last time a single man has given so much hope to as many people that anything is possible? Not in my lifetime, I can't.

Mr. Obama's presidency is going to be a rocky road, but isn't he the kind of person we want leading us? Someone who is capable, accountable and pragmatic?

His ideas are revolutionary.
No. Scratch that. Enough of this Sisyphus, revolution bullshit where things get just as bad after an upswing as they were before.

His ideas are evolutionary.
We have the option of throwing the bipartisan cat-fighting that has plagued our country since Nixon was in office. We are on the verge of embracing new ideas and doing what is right for the country instead of what is right just for the party or for ourselves.


That is exciting.
So get on the damn bus, naysayers, because we're rolling out with or without you.

I'm writing a film blog now, too.


It should be listed to the right under "other projects". It will be updated sporadically and often.