The Unlikely Rise of Pope Michael of Wichita

This week, Pope Bush...er...Pope Benedict reversed the excommunications of a quartet of douchey bishops (Live from Shea Stadium...it's The Douchey Bishops!!), which led me on an intellectual fact-finding mission.

I went from The Douchey Bishops to Marcel Lefebvre (the Chuck Berry of douchey bishops) to the Society of St. Pius X (a distant cousin of Malcolm) to sedevacantism (Traditionalist Catholics with a capital "T" who think the papacy has been vacant since 1958) to conclavism (dudes who give their allegiance to different Popes) to...are you sitting down?...

POPE MICHAEL OF KANSAS!

also known as David Bawden...plain, old David Bawden

One day Davey Bawden was sitting on his chaise lounge watching episodes of Medium when he thought "You know what really grinds my gears? The Pope! We need a new one! PRONTO!"

Bawden got on the horn and called his nearest and dearest to his crib for an anti-papal conclave, among them the two elusive cardinals that Bawden refers to as "Cardinal Mom" and "Cardinal Dad".

After minutes and minutes of discussion, a waft of white smoke danced from the chimney of Bawden's house and a new Pope was elected! The bells in the Cathedral of Saint Microwave were tolled for those in all of Christendom (or Wichita) to hear and recognize the birth of a new era!


The era of Pope Michael!
He and his dozens of his supporters rejoice!
(The above story of the origin of Pope Michael is a dramatization)


Only in Kansas, right?


If you want to know more about this incredible story (or this foolish man) you should go to his ridiculous website. If he's an anti-pope, he's also very clearly an anti-website-designer and an anti-writer.



Thank you Internet. Thank you.