I woke up this morning.
It looked like a shadow was standing over me without my glasses.
I don't sleep with my glasses because they'll be crushed.
If someone watched me while I was sleeping they'd see what a horror show my life has become.

Literally.

I snore like a chainsaw. A well-oiled, deep-pitched chainsaw. Sailors are at once drawn to it and also repelled. I think.
I scarcely stay still for more than an hour while sleeping. I twist, bounce and roll like some ethereal entity was trying to stand atop a log in a lake.

I think.

I couldn't tell you for sure because nobody has slept with me. Nobody has been able to. Who could?

I don't take offense, though: it is what it is.

Uncontrollable as a feral cat.

And it doesn't account for the shadowy figure I saw this morning standing, looming over me.