Flame On.

When holding onto a flame, how long is too long? I don't mean literally. You can't hold fire. I can't, at least. If I could, I imagine I'd figure out some way to avoid the 9-to-5 drudgery of the working week. That being said, my job isn't bad and isn't too boring. As a result of my first two days, I know a whole hell of a lot more about Wisconsin geography and highways than I thought I would have ever know.

Really, though, if we're talking about flames metaphorically, as I have just made clear that we are (keep up, slowpoke!), how long is it acceptable to stoke that fire and keep it burning? Whether I like it or not, I can't just stop having feeling for the women in my past. Some of them ended up being girlfriends and some became nothing more than a sometimes painful, but mostly fond, memory.

It's not that I'd like to get together with these girls or that I wish something had come of my infatuation(editor's note: lie #1): I don't still pine for any of these girls (ed. note: yes he does), nor do I think I've changed so much in the past decade or that I am better prepared to deal with relationships (ed. note: except that's exactly what he thinks)...so what would be the point?

Nevertheless, I can't help holding on to the past or the notion that the girls in my memory are also the girls of my dreams(ed. note: Dude, they're totally not). I saw that one of the girls from my past is now engaged. I wasn't crushed (ed. note: he was, kinda), but I was pretty crestfallen. I started googling her name, my crests strewn about the floor, looking for pictures and information...maybe as a way to edge my way back into her life, even as a friend (ed. note: what a freak). Then I realized how pathetic it was to still have feelings for someone who I haven't even seen in years.

But is it really pathetic or am I just one of the few that openly admits having feelings for the girls in his past? I like to think it's the latter. I know that my feelings for them are artificial. It's not them I like: it's the idea of them I like. In a perfect world I'd have never screwed up any of my relationships, romantic or otherwise (ed. note: too bad the w-)

Hey, shut up. I can come to my own sad conclusions without all the snark, Mr. Editor.

Anyway...sorry for that.

Too bad the world isn't perfect. Would I be happier if it was?














(ed. note: No, you wouldn't.)

Hey! Quiet in the peanut gallery!