It's been really difficult not to write about politics when all i hear about is political. I probably should be writing about how the McCain/Palin campaign is a joke or how they're using misinformation more than actual information. Or maybe I should talk about how George W. Bush and his buds are a couple of months away from getting away with swindling the American public and setting us back years, if not decades. Or how politicians seem to think Israel needs our help instead of the other way around (get real politicians: Israel has lasted almost 60 years surrounded by people that hate Her. They've fought numerous wars and have staved off a couple of intifada without the US getting directly involved. If anything, we need them. If Adam Sandler has taught us anything, it's that you do not mess with the Mossad.)

But I made a promise not to write about politics: a promise to you and, more so, a promise to myself.

I'm not perfect, though and as a compromise between not writing about politics and writing about them, I'm going to fill out a survey as completely and amusingly as I can. It's a total cop-out, I know, but it's all I've got tonight. Between nothing going on in the world but the Us Presidential Election and hating my job, I've got to let some things slide.

The survey is labeled as being "controversial," even if it's not that controversial. I stole it from my old friend Dawn from high school. Here goes.


01] Do you have the guts to answer​ these​ quest​ions and re-​post as The​ Contr​overs​ial Surve​y ?
I have the guts to answer this survey and fore go re-posting it on myspace. I'm taking this shit public, son! Do you have the guts for that? Burn!


[02] Would​ you do meth if it was legal​ized?​
I wouldn't do meth if it was mandatory. The list of things I would do before I'd smoke meth is so desperate and disgusting that it's virtually unprintable. Let's just say that something called the Cincinnati Bowtie would be prominently involved. There are way too many deal breakers with meth: meth mouth, tweeking, the possibility of blowing up while making it...the list goes on and on.

[03] Abort​ion:​ for or again​st it?
I'm mostly pro choice. Like if you ask me whether a woman should have an abortion or not, I'd most likely say that she can do whatever she wants. But if it's my girlfriend or my wife, I'd imagine it'd be a different story. Ultimately a woman should be allowed to do with her body whatever she wants, but it does take two to tango. If I impregnate a lady, I think I have a right to have a voice in the decision process. So, I think it should be legal, but I don't think aborting a fetus (whether it is a human yet or not) should be taken lightly.

[04] Do you think​ the world​ would​ fail with a femal​e presi​dent?​
The world isn't going to fail because of one person. This is a stupid question. No country or group of people fails just because their leader. Rome didn't fail because Romulus Augustus was a shitty leader. You can make the argument that a leader's ideas will help topple an empire, but I think it's the complicity and credulity of the empire's citizens that kills a country.

[05] Do you belie​ve in the death​ penal​ty?​
I'm honestly not sure where I stand on this.

[06] Do you wish marij​uana would​ be legal​ized alrea​dy?
I don't wish it was. I think it should be legal, but I'm not praying for it to happen. I think the government could probably make a whole lot of money by legalizing and regulating marijuana, so it's probably not such a bad idea.

[07] Are you for or again​st prema​rital​ sex?
I think people are more ready for it than others, but to take this one step farther, I am for teaching kids in various stages of school about sex and disease and birth control.

[08] Do you belie​ve in God?
I do. Not in a limited, narrow-minded way, though. If I believe that God is omniscient and omnipotent, shouldn't I believe that God is everything to everybody? What I do know for sure is that the concept of God is not something we will ever fully understand. I do know that Hell isn't other people, though: it's loving you. That reference should only be obscure to some of you.


[09] Do you think​ same sex marri​age shoul​d be legal​ized?​
I think it should be legal, but I also maintain that any religious organization has the right to disallow or refuse to recognize same-sex marriages. First and foremost, religion and government should be separated. If you start telling religions what they can and can't do, that opens up a lot of boxes that can't be closed. It's a complicated issue, but I believe that it is fundamentally wrong to make something legal for one group, but illegal for another. How is that different that the separate-but-equal south?

[10] Do you think​ it's wrong​ that so many Hispa​nics are illeg​ally movin​g to the US?
Illegal immigration hasn't directly effected me, so I can't complain about it. It sure is a problem in other parts of the country, though. I think the only way to fix this is to make Mexico, Central America and South America more habitable for people. Wouldn't that pretty much staunch the flow of illegals into America? I mean, they're not coming here to fuck everything up. They're coming here because living in the lower 3/4 of the Western hemisphere sucks. If Chavez, Calderon, Castro and Velez would be more like the Kirchners, Bachelet and (to a lesser extent)Garcia maybe that would happen. Unfortunately, the former seems either too megalomaniacal or weak-willed, so maybe it will take a little longer. I guess that's what you get in a leader: a real maverick and a guy who thinks he's a maverick, but is really just a politician who will say or do anything for a vote. Good thing it's not like that in OUR country...


[11] A twelv​e year old girl has a baby,​ shoul​d she keep it?
If she's had the baby, she couldn't abort it, so it seems like the only options are keeping it, giving it up for adoption, or the dumpster on the night of the fall dance. In that case, she should either keep it or give it up for adoption.

[12] Shoul​d the alcoh​ol age be lower​ed to eight​een?​
I think it should be lowered to 14, and here's why: if we learn to drink responsibly at an age before we learn how to drive, with our parents' supervision, maybe we won't all act like such assholes when we get drunk for the first time in college. Or maybe that's just me.

13] Shoul​d the war in Iraq be calle​d off?
Can we do that? If we can just do a Zack Morris "Time-Out" and just call off the war, yeah. Let's do that.

[14] Assis​ted suici​de is illeg​al:​ Do you agree​?​
I'm not sure, maybe? I see a movie like The Sea Inside and think that maybe it should be legal. Then I see a movie like The Diving Bell and the Butterfly and think it shouldn't. I wish someone would make a movie so I could form a definitive opinion on this matter.

[15] Do you belie​ve in spank​ing your child​ren?
I have never had kids, so I don't know. I think it can be done effectively, but I'm not sure that I would or could. I think spanking is an appropriate punishment for some things, but like abortion, it should be something that we do willy-nilly.

[16] Would​ you burn an Ameri​can flag for a milli​on dolla​rs?​
A million dollars is a lot of money.


[17] Who do you think​ would​ make a bette​r presi​dent?​
Whoever would surround himself with the most qualified Cabinet. I'd lead toward Barack Obama because he seems a little more open to the advice of people more qualified in a specialized subject as Mr. Obama is. That's one way that McCain seems like Bush: both seem to think their word is covenant.



[18] Do you think​ Obama​ will be kille​d?​
I think it's horrifying that we still live in a world where someone could hate an idea or a person or a group of people so much that they'd kill them. I don't think anybody deserves to be killed because someone disagree with them, but you know what? I've seen videos on youtube of some of McCain's supporters and I wouldn't put it past some nutjob to do it. I think it's despicable and disgusting to even think about, though. Whether you agree with his politics or not, Barack Obama (AND John McCain) are good, moral people. They don't deserve to be killed. Nobody deserves to be killed.



So that's it. Thanks for sticking with me. I hope you get some enjoyment out of this post.


If not, I leave you with this: a boy with impossibly chubby cheeks. Enjoy.