The other day (when everything happens), Reggie Hopscotch and I decided to take a tour of the Internet. Reg has not quite grasped our technology since the great thaw so I thought I'd lend him a hand. We checked out facebook, which he is part of, and all of the other networking sites. Then we saw a fine array of news sites.
"What of sport?!" he asked and we checked out espn, foxsports, mtvsports, foodtvsports, and aint it sports news.com. Our examination of all things sport was exhaustive and exhausting, mostly because I had to explain to him how "big metal chariots sail around a big, black river with so much haste." It took me a couple of minutes to realize he meant NASCAR. I didn't have the heart to tell him that it's one of the most popular "sports" today.
Poor Reginald was pretty pooped after the sports extravaganza. He asked, with a raised eyebrow and a hushed tone, whether the Internet had any sites that "appealed to the discerning gentleman." I sat there in confusion and typed the links to here and here, thinking it would sate his needs. He browsed the sites for a minute or two.
"While I'm impressed by these two electronic sites, Jim, I'm not quite sure it's what I had in mind." I asked him what, exactly, it was he wanted to see. He thought for a second, as if trying to find a way to explain himself to a three-year-old. "Something a little more provocative. Something a little more...bawdy."
Oh.
Porn.
He wanted porn.
Great. There's not much that skeeves me out more than watching porn with other people, unless I'm about to give my lady the business.
We started with the obvious sites and continued to the less obvious sites for two hours. It was like we were walking down a very dark alley, stealing glimpses of intimacy, but continuing until we saw something bigger, better, baser, and more disgusting. We ended up watching a fairly explicit video on a free movie website whose name is a not-so-clever play on the more famous youtube. We clicked on one of the highest-rated videos. In the video, a bland...err...blond girl is being interviewed about things of a sexual nature. I've seen this kind of thing before: it's merely a prelude to main attraction. This one was a bit disturbing, though, because when the action started Reginald and I could tell that the girl was 100% not into it. Clearly she had been duped and didn't know she'd be getting her tonsils checked by a young man wielding a bayonet. The worst part was that the man was "guiding" (ramming) her head back and forth, presumably to test her gag reflex. The girl's eyes start to water a little and she makes this face...like she's tasting something rotten (which, I guess, she is) or like she's in a great amount of physical or emotional peril (which, again, I guess she is). But, after the vocal protests of the girl (a gurgled "mmm. MMMMM!!!" that I still remember), the man stopped, removed his member and...started all over again, riveting away at the back of the poor girl's throat.
"Jim?" Reginald asked, but with reluctance in his voice.
"Yeah?" I answered, a bit shell-shocked by such a violent display.
"Why do people watch this?"
"I don't know, man."
And I don't know why people find that particular video (and millions of videos like it) arousing. I understand that there's a wide variety of sexual desires and proclivities. It would be short-sighted of me to say which are right and which are wrong. I don't think there's anything wrong with the people who like the kind of thing Reginald and I saw. Personally, I have always had a big problem with making girls do things that they don't want to do. It's a huge turn-off for me if I notice that a girl just isn't into it. But that might just be me. Maybe I'm wrong and the real men are right. That's fine if they like seeing girls dominated to the point of pain. I can't fault people for liking that, can I?
On the other hand, I can't help but be a little judgmental of it. What I saw offends me, not so much because it degrades the girl (she certainly had some hand in degrading herself), but it degrades men even more. It paints this picture that we are cavemen who don't really care whether we're boring a hole through the back of our mate's head, as long as we get off! Is that what it means to be masculine? Taking all media, pornography included, into consideration, to be masculine is to only care about one's self. When did this happen? Haven't things changed?
What makes a man: compassion and empathy or force and lack of emotion? If we go by pornography's example, it's the latter.
Yahoo's 100 Movies You Should See Before You Die
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Is this list like the video tape in *The Ring*?
I almost feel like if I finish reading it and I've seen all of the movies
on it, I'm going to get a call f...
15 years ago
5 comments:
Allow me to play Fitz for a while.
My interpretation: Men are drawn to fantasies of power in all things, but it's pretty bald when it comes to pornography. I think violence and sadism (at least to the extent it has grown) are most likely derived from living in polite society in which our sexual desires are repressed on a daily basis.
What you described watching is a borderline rape fantasy, which some men indulge in because it is a direct violation of societal norms as well as a fulfillment of their breeding instinct. The violence done to the woman makes it even more pleasurable because it's a vent for the anger at having to repress said sexual desire. Now you believed what was on the tape (it was probably real) which took a necessary portion of the fantasy away from you (the woman desires whatever is done to her) while that aspect, while odious to you, may be the lynchpin of another man's fantasy and perhaps for that person only real or real seeming videos of this type will satisfy him. There are women who also might find that video arousing, although far fewer.
Rape is a common fantasy for both men and women born out of a sexually repressive atmosphere. Women want to renounce the tremendous moral burden placed on them to be paragon of virtue rather than be viewed as a slut or prostitute. Men want a place to release their unfulfilled lust and anger at how powerless they are to sate it.
Not everyone mind you, but it's more common than you think. Basically it's a fucked up world out there.
I know it's a very common fantasy. The implications that men should be borderline rapists are everywhere. Pick up a Maxim magazine, which is more of a staple in the lives of adult males (young and old) than we may think. The non-pornographic message that women are our servants is everywhere in these lad mags. Males are being bred to be...assholes by mainstream and underground media.
I'm not a feminist by any definition of the word. I'm not concerned with the way rape fantasies degrade women. They can take care of themselves. I'm concerned with the way it degrades men. Rape fantasy, to me, is a step back more than a step forward.
Like you said, it stems from a fundamental flaw in ones own perception in their own sexuality. Since it's not a huge leap that in some cases rape fantasy turns to rape reality, I suggest that people who have rape fantasies get some help in sating their own lust. To write it off and just throw up one's hands because it's a commonplace fantasy is a mistake. It shouldn't be a common fantasy, not just because it's morally questionable, but because it's potentially harmful to the person engaging the fantasy and to others.
I think the real harm lies in porn like the one you described where the woman's unwilling participation is evident but not spoken. Those who watch it could be dabbling in a rape fantasy without knowing it. It's when the sadism and potential violence exists subconsciously and unchecked that it tries to become manifest. I think if someone goes in with their eyes open, saying, "I'd never do this in real life, but it gets me off" then I don't really see the harm.
Ultimately, I think violent porn is like a lesion on an AIDS patient. What you see is grotesque, but only as a sign of the infection within. The lesion can be removed, but another will grow in its place because the true enemy is microscopic and virtually invinceable. Misogyny, puritanical and hypocritical attitudes toward sex, fractured family relationships, childhood abuse...
However, I do see your point that when you watch another human degraded, it degrades the viewer in a way. I think it's a good personal rule to avoid such things for fear of depression, or worse, the desire to seek out more depravity.
Like watching a whole season of The Ghost Whisperer?
Probably more like watching the entire Friedberg/Seltzer ovre. Let me revise my prior statement:
Unfortunately, I think Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie are like leisions on an AIDS patient; What you see is grotesque but only as a sign of the infection within.
I actually think that's more fitting.
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