02 July 2008

The Job Seeker Interviews With A Sparks HR Rep and A Robot: A Scene

Context: Sparks is a metropolitan DC temp agency. They like wasting the time of potential job seekers by not informing them of their basic requirements.


tableau: The Job Seeker sits at a table across from two empty chairs in a small, beige room. A woman of about 45, with blond, dowdy hair and leathery skin tanned a little too much, and a big, silver robot walk into the room. The woman sits down while the robot merely stands, looming over the two humans.


Job Seeker:
(confused) Is the robot staying or will it go when we start the interview?
Robot: (compassionately) I will be staying to assist in the interview. If you don't mind.
JS: Oh. No, I don't mind. Is it okay with her?
HR Rep: (monotone) What would you consider your greatest strength and your greatest wea-
Robot: (interrupts HRR) Not yet, Cathleen. Not yet, dear. No, she doesn't mind one bit. You're sure you're alright with me being here?
JS: Yeah, of course. It's fine.
Robot: (relieved) Oh good. That's a load off. We should just start off with some questions. Go ahead, Cathleen.
HR Rep: What would you consider your greatest strength and your greatest weakness?
JS: Well, I guess my greatest strength is my ability to work under pressure. I did a lot of that in college when I worked for our paper. I was an assistant editor and one weekend I stayed up for 53 hours to help make deadline. It just had to be done. I guess my biggest weakness is that I care too much. I did stay up for 53 hours straight to finish a college newspaper. So I guess my biggest strength is my biggest weakness.
HR Rep: (looking up at robot, sotto voce) This does not compute.
Robot: (sighs, also sotto voce) It's okay Cathleen. It was just a long answer. He answered well. Just keep going, dear.
JS: (furrows brow) Is she okay?
Robot: Of course, why wouldn't she be? I'd say she's doing a fine job (he pats her head complimentary)
JS: It's just that...
Robot: What?
JS: Well, she's not blinking.
Robot: What do you mean, human?
JS: Her eyes! She's not blinking.
Robot: (sternly) CATHLEEN. Blink! Next question.
HR Rep: Given the choice, would you rather work in a team or individually?
JS: I really don't mind either. I find that I can do an effective job as a team member or working alone.
HR Rep: But if you had to make a choice. Between the two. Which would it be?
JS: Like I said, I'd be comfortable doing either. Whatever the job dictates, I suppose. I'm flexible in that regard.
HR Rep:
(over and over, without stop) Team or individual? Team or individual? Team or individual?
JS: (looks at robot) Seriously? What do I say to make her stop?
Robot: Just say that you're a self-starter and a team player.
JS: I'm a self-starter and a team player? (HR Rep stops)
Robot: Good. Sorry about that. She's a little bit new. Still a few glitches we need to work out.
JS: (grabs briefcase, walks frantically out of the room) Mr. Robot? I have to thank you very much for this opportunity but I don't think we will be able to work with each other after all.
Robot:
(JS is gone; Robot looks to HR Rep, frowns) He was doing so well, wasn't he Cathleen? Yes. Yes he was.

Curtain

No comments: