Getting to Know You

In the interest of being more forthcoming with my readers and because this post should be a guest post, I thought I'd do a survey. Not just any survey, though, but the questionnaire from Inside the Actor's Studio originally popularized by Bernard Pivot. I can't forget to give him some credit.

First, though, some thoughts on the questionnaire.

• James Lipton is 81. 81! I can't think of any octogenarians that look nearly as good as him. He's downright spry! For all the fuss that is made about Keith Richards' immortality, we should be talking about Jimmy the Lip. That's what I call him.
• Bernard Pivot adapted his questionnaire from a questionnaire that Marcel Proust would take periodically throughout his life. I can't help sneering when people deify Proust. I guess I can't divorce him from his work (he was a spoiled, asthmatic, rich kid who seemed to be seeking ennui and depression out in his latter days.) in the same way people can't divorce Woody Allen from his work. It just irks me when people don't use their affluence and play at having a horrible life. Money may not buy happiness, but it sure takes some of the pressure off. Before I get off my high horse, I should mention that I have not completed anything by Proust and he very well may be the best thing since Nutella.
• Asthma seems like it was the "it" disease back when Proust was alive. Not to say that it's cool to have asthma. It's not. Trust me. But it seems like it was the hot-button disease of the late-19th century. So when Michael Savage spouted off an ignorant rant about autism, he may have actually touched on something. Having worked with a severely autistic child at a summer camp years ago, I know that autism isn't a joke and that Savage was fundamentally undereducated about the disease, but when he mentions that it's a hot-button issue, he's right. The media is covering autism in the same way they did ADD a decade ago and mass-hysteria has gotten to the point where parents will avoid vaccinating their children for fear of autism. It's certainly good that people are aware and talking about it because autism, while not as nasty as polio or rubella, is devious and life-changing for the afflicted and everyone they interact with. Autism is bad news bears and Savage is stupid for not realizing that, but, like a broken clock, he hits on one very interesting point: autism is a popular subject. Maybe this will lead to a cure or a vaccine or something.
  
• Peter Tork, former Monkee, is an advice columnist. If my life ever gets so bad that I need to take advice from one of the Monkees, please commit me.
• I feel like I need to get a girlfriend and fast. Why? Because The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants II comes out in a week and going with a girl might make me more comfortable...and less creepy. Does that make me certifiably insane?
• Whenever I have these bullet-point snippets I have this weird compulsion to make them all come full circle. So...isn't it crazy that America Ferrera hasn't been on Inside the Actor's Studio yet? Her career has sky-rocketed in the past couple of years. It's not like she hasn't doe as much as Hugh Jackman or Teri Hatcher. Just sayin'.
• And...full circle.

Onto the survey. Feel free to play along and do your own in the comment section. Comments are always appreciated. If you're still with me, congratulations.

What is your favorite word?
My favorite words are insouciance, periphery, jejune and braggadocio. I wish there was a story behind it. I just like those words.
What is your least favorite word?
Sluice. More for the way it looks than the way it sounds. I love the way "juice" sounds. I love the way "slice" looked. Mix 'em up and you get something horrible. Like eggs and ketchup. Ick.
What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Humility in spite of one's talent level, passion, nonchalance. And tits?
What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Arrogance and false humility.
What sound or noise do you love?
Engines whirring, the laughter of others, far away thunder, the music I like, four-part harmony.
What sound or noise do you hate?
This is something I hate more than anything in the world: metal spoons on ceramic bowls. I hate that sound. When I live in my own house I'm going to insist upon people using plastic spoons.
What is your favorite curse word?
I can't say it's a favorite, but I find "fuck" to be the most utilitarian.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Chef, film director, anything in the creative division of an advertising firm, architecture, music teacher.
What profession would you not like to do?
Anything where I'm not creating anything. I can live with having a normal 9 to 5 for a little while, but I think I need to create.
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a definite feeling it will be a place both wonderful and strange."


Have a good weekend.